"Angry angry angry, is what you are," they tell me, but I think Im less angry than quiet, the kind of quiet that makes people nervous because they cant tell what youre thinking, and most of them assume the worst. I do get angry sometimes, but who doesnt? Theres strength in anger, which goes against what school counselors will tell you.
Since Ive been living with my grandparents, Im a lot less angry, but Im still pretty quiet. My grandparents go on and on about how lovely I amwhich Im notand how brightwhich Im definitely not. They give me an allowance, which is something new, and nice clothes. Sometimes, when theyre showing me off to their wrinkly friends, I feel like saying, "She pees when you give her a bottle!" like those talking dolls they gave me when I first came to live with them, before they understood I was way past dolls.
Still, I like how quiet their house is. I like that there are always clean sheets, even if they do smell like mothballs. Everything in my grandparents house smells like mothballs, even them sometimes, but its not a terrible smell. At least it smells like someones trying. And there are times, late at night, when the smell of the mothballs and the clean sheets and the glow of the stupid little nightlight they insist I need and the cicadas singing outside when all of it together makes me feel like Im in a cocoon, like I could become something very nice.